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Treading gently

Monday, November 5th, 2012

(My own generic sock pattern, Sock Hop Yarn in Aqualung by Crown Mountain Farms)

I’ve been taking one day at a time, doing little things that make me happy and knitting really easy socks which require almost no brain engagement whatsoever.

And I’ve been learning that there are times when I can’t solve problems – I can control and change myself and how I behave, but I can’t control what other people do. I’ve been learning to let go, to compromise, to accept that sometimes people will make bad decisions and I can’t stop them from doing that. I’ve reached the point where I have reached out to ask for professional help and I’ve felt the relief of feeling that just a little of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It’s about hope and fear, trust and disappointment. A whole bundle of emotions that have been brewing for years and have exploded, dominating my waking moments, immobilizing my creativity, pushing me towards a lethargy where things just come to a juddering stop.

But I’m doing what my mother always taught me. I’m taking one day at a time. One little step after another. My head is above the water and I’m in a better place this week than I was last. I can’t give you the details of what is going on, but those of you who have parented teenagers may have dealt with some or all of what I’m dealing with. Nobody has died, I’m not sick or divorcing my husband (who, by the way is lovely and who I’m glad I married every day). This time will pass and we will be stronger as a result. I just need to keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for your good wishes. It helps hugely to know that I have friends out there who care.



25 Responses to “Treading gently”

  1. Nicole Says:

    So sorry about rough patch you are going through. Keep in mind the Zen adage “Things change”. It won’t always be this way.

  2. Kathy E. Says:

    Praying for you today, my blogging-friend-from-another-continent! I’ve been in your shoes, and totally understand your feelings. It is hard to let children suffer the consequences poor choices, and heart-breaking, too. Praying for brighter days soon.

  3. heleen Says:

    been there. Stay calm. You feel better soon.

  4. Flying Blind Says:

    Hope all get back to some semblance of calm soon xxx

  5. Diane Neale Says:

    I have no experience with children, but I have seen friends and family’s children grow up. We are all so very different, and the right thing for some is not necessarily right for the next person. You’re right that people have to make their own decisions. And I’m a firm believer that something good always come out of bad things.

    And you will always be there.

  6. Mrs. Goodneedle Says:

    Sending you warm hugs of support and understanding. You’re taking good care of you, that is vital; this time won’t last forever.

  7. Elisabeth Says:

    I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better this week. Teenagers aren’t always easy to cope with. Hopefully it will sort itself out in a while.

  8. diane stanley Says:

    Parenting sucks. It really does. It also has some of the greatest joys ever. I am sorry you are going through this rough patch and I will pray that things settle and get better.
    I am glad you are getting the help and advice you need to deal with this. Thinking of you, with love.

  9. Mary Says:

    Hang in there Helen. Teenagers can be very hard work. Hope things settle down for you soon.

  10. Edith Says:

    Oh, Helen, I was afraid it was ‘teenager-trouble’. Good for you to ask for advice, and for acknowledging you are not responsible for everything. Around me I see often that mothers have trouble to let-go; even I (not a mother) have trouble letting go of the children of my good friends! I can’t imagine how tough it must be with your own flesh and blood. So I applaud you and pray for your family that things will get easier.

  11. catherine Says:

    I hope things start to get better for you all soon-well done for not trying to cope alone

  12. grapes and hearts Says:

    Kleine Kinder, kleine Sorgen,
    große Kinder, große Sorgen.
    I guess I’m glad that my kids are still young.
    Sending you hugs and strength for the daily “battle”
    Hope you’ll feel better soon!


  13. Susan Ramey Cleveland Says:

    There is hardly a teenager issue that can be thought up that I haven’t dealt with. Well, not murder or mayhem, but some pretty weighty stuff anyhow. It will just about take the stuffings out of you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and send loving vibes your way to keep you upright. Be strong, my friend.

  14. Kathryn Says:

    Ack! Teenagers! I have one who is harder work than her two sisters put together. And doubled. Or trebled. Life with a challenging teen is stressful. Hang in there and keep being gentle with yourself.

  15. Vreni Says:

    I feel for you! I remember those turbulent times only all too well. But there are sunnier days ahead of you and one day you look back at this and see it as a “bump in the road”. But one thing is clear, no matter how old your kids are, you never, ever stop worrying about them. Be it about their jobs, partner, health etc. Of course I, like any other new parent, had now idea about the potential heard break children can bring, when they were first born. I guess that’s the price we pay as parents. Good luck, I’m thinking of all of you. xx

  16. Stephanie Says:

    Big hug from France X

  17. Susan Says:

    Keep knitting! It does help (or sewing, or the equivalent).

  18. Annabella Says:

    A beautifully written post Helen. I guess I may or may not have this all ahead of me. I love what you wrote about your husband. It’s easy to forget what we have when times are tough. Sending some virtual hugs. xoxo

  19. CarlaHR Says:

    Helen, the only thing I can add is my very best hopes that the “troubles” will soon pass. I also was glad to read that you have sought professional help – sometimes we are just too close to a situation to see a way out.

  20. Tracey Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are in the thick of it. The stakes always seem so much higher when it is our own children. I suffer on their behalf but also my for myself, that I failed somehow as a parent. But I’ve come to believe (maybe just for my own peace of mind) that they are who they were born as, and all I can do is give them the best chances, and nudge them in the right direction. Good luck with yours. For better or worse, they are nearly “finished”, and then you can revel in the interesting people they’ve become (I keep telling myself…)

  21. Elaine Says:

    Thinking of you and adding my best wishes and support … Yes, sock knitting is perfect meditation for tough times. Lovely colourway by the way 😉

  22. Lindsay Says:

    Sending positive vibes Helen. May the universe support you – we all do!

  23. Gertie Pye Says:

    Sending hugs to you Helen, and hoping your teenage woes will sort themselves out sooner rather than later. Reaching out for help sounds like the right thing to do, especially if you feel you have exhausted your own bag of tricks. Even just knowing that you have that support might give you that extra oomph you need to get through the day.

    I was kind of hoping that children got easier as they got older – we are just embarking on the Terrible 2’s so I keep wishing the months away – maybe I shouldn’t!

    And the silver lining to your cloud – your socks are very funky! Lovely pattern and lovely yarn. Beautiful x

  24. Leanne Says:

    I am glad you are getting some help and just know that you are doing your best and you love them. If only there were magic answers but I have not found them. It will be ok, and I will be thinking of you.

  25. Linds Says:

    I remember VERY challenging times. Hang in there – it will work out in the end. You may have more grey hair, but that is fixable. Just breathe and be, my friend.