(My own generic sock pattern, Sock Hop Yarn in Aqualung by Crown Mountain Farms)
I’ve been taking one day at a time, doing little things that make me happy and knitting really easy socks which require almost no brain engagement whatsoever.
And I’ve been learning that there are times when I can’t solve problems – I can control and change myself and how I behave, but I can’t control what other people do. I’ve been learning to let go, to compromise, to accept that sometimes people will make bad decisions and I can’t stop them from doing that. I’ve reached the point where I have reached out to ask for professional help and I’ve felt the relief of feeling that just a little of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It’s about hope and fear, trust and disappointment. A whole bundle of emotions that have been brewing for years and have exploded, dominating my waking moments, immobilizing my creativity, pushing me towards a lethargy where things just come to a juddering stop.
But I’m doing what my mother always taught me. I’m taking one day at a time. One little step after another. My head is above the water and I’m in a better place this week than I was last. I can’t give you the details of what is going on, but those of you who have parented teenagers may have dealt with some or all of what I’m dealing with. Nobody has died, I’m not sick or divorcing my husband (who, by the way is lovely and who I’m glad I married every day). This time will pass and we will be stronger as a result. I just need to keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for your good wishes. It helps hugely to know that I have friends out there who care.