I am standing at a crossroads. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. I’ve taken a big risk giving up a very good job (at my age…, a big risk I know, but it just had to be…). I had been working my socks off for a long time, with a lot of responsibility and a horrid commute. I reached a point about 6 months ago where I felt like I was standing on the edge of a big cliff overlooking the abyss and realised that if I didn’t do anything then I would topple over and that would be it. I’m glad that I was sensible enough to see the risk before I fell.
Everyone told me I was mad to resign without another job to go to, but I was too tired to look and so I wasn’t going to find another position anyway. So I took the risk on board and left. This probably sounds a bit silly (and I might live to regret it), but it feels so good to have followed my own feelings. I didn’t do what anyone else told me to do – infact I did the opposite – I followed my own heart and my own head. I didn’t do the sensible thing, I did what I wanted to do. It felt wild and free and a rather reckless act for a woman of a certain age! I suppose we all fall into the tracks of doing what we have to do, what other people expect and as mothers with children the decisions are always constrained by looking after others. I’ve reached the stage where I only have one child at home. He is about to turn 18 and thrives on neglect, so I actually can be a little bit selfish on this call.
Since the end of September I’ve been sorting out my mother in England, travelling around Burma, getting my poor neglected home back into shape and trying to do the same for my poor neglected body. Oh and I have been applying for jobs – not very successfully so far, but to be perfectly honest I would be a bit disappointed if I found something now. I am LOVING being at home, pottering, organising, not having to get up early in the morning and going out to the train in the dark. I’m taking the time to explore lots of avenues – even radical ones about following my love of all things fabric and doing something in that direction and ssssshhhhhhh not being an accountant anymore.
I’m also sewing and knitting and being happier than I’ve been in ages. Oh and I’m not dog-tired anymore. I feel like I’m actually living again and listening to the little voice inside of me that has been ignored for a long time.
Any my husband loves coming home to nice dinners again…..
Sometimes it’s really good to jump into the dark.